Tuesday, April 26

Daddy's birthday girl


How is she 5 already?

I still remember every detail of the day she was born. I went into labor on Sunday night, on the 17th, but because of a joke Martin made about how he was hoping to have her as his birthday present, my body decided to keep me in labor until Wednesday morning. She was born at 12:08am on the 20th of April, his birthday:)

She was my smallest baby at just under 9 lbs, also our only early one. She is also the first of our 4 home-births, and even though her labor and delivery were the longest and most taxing, the serenity and beauty surrounding her birth opened up a whole new incredible world for us. Looking back, becoming a mom to two little ones was far more of an intense change than a mom of three and four and five, but I wouldn't change those days for anything.

Sophia is (and has always been) the biggest snuggler out of all the children, and I'll often be standing at the sink or playing the piano and feel her suddenly beside me, wrapping an arm around my waist or gently taking my hand, laying her head against me. Being the oldest of the middle children, and with such a quiet way about her, I take extra care with her to reward her gentleness and tenderness as often as I can.

I love that she still replaces her 'R's with 'W's, though it fades more and more every day.
I love that she puts her tiny warm hands on my cheeks whenever I ask for a kiss goodnight.
I love that she is full-on tomboy one minute, climbing the fruit trees and racing through the pasture, and then full-on princess the next, practicing her curtsy with Ellie, and straightening her crown in the mirror.
I love her frequent requests to be tickled and chased and, and when she hands me a brush out of the blue to smooth the knots out of her hair.
I love seeing her happiness sparkle in her eyes, and how much she loves.

Thank you Soph, for teaching me so many lessons that only you could. 
Happy Birthday to you little sweetheart!

- Love mama

Monday, April 25

Weekend Wrap-up || Life update

THIS WEEK: was about coming home from the hospital in Houston and finding my footing again. It was full of playdates for the kids, yummy treats and meals covered with plastic wrap delivered to our door, tight hugs from the sweetest friends, cherry blossoms outside the kitchen window, so many delicious baby giggles, and lots of contemplation.
On the other side of the spectrum, it was full of sleepless nights, sorting through too many pill bottles over and over, feelings of regret and fear and acceptance, trying to make sense of it all. There were swollen eyes in the morning, signing for his oxygen tank, pleading with him to 'take just one more bite', and making the first big decisions by myself since our marriage. Martin can't stay awake much at all because of his level of pain medication, and the valuable time he is awake is spent trying to get as much food and liquid in him as I can. He's so groggy that he can't keep people or objects or his surroundings straight, and his confusion makes it impossible(and dangerous) to leave him on his own for even a short time.

Last Wednesday was his birthday, as well as our sweet Sophia who turned 5, and I took her on her birthday date without Martin (a tradition that we always look forward to with our kids) while he stayed with family at the house sleeping. I had to hold her hands and try to explain to her why daddy couldn't be with us, but that I know he wanted to more than anything. My kind sisters-in-law threw her an Elsa birthday party per her request, and a sweet friend made her the best cake ever. She had a really wonderful day overall:)


Moving forward I plan on writing a more in-depth post of what our experience was at the hospital in Texas, and what our plans are moving forward, so feel free to ask questions below that I can address. The short version though is that our main oncologist there recommended the immunotherapy combination that we were hoping for (that was just approved in the states several months ago), which is kind of the next step of what he's already been doing in Mexico. He wouldn't have many side effects at all from the immunotherapy, but the pain level from the growing tumors in his liver has been so severe, he has to be highly medicated until they shrink- which is the hope. He will be able to get his next infusion of treatment locally(such a blessing), and then every other treatment(they happen every 3 weeks now) will be done in Houston with a set of scans to go with it. The best part of this route I think though, is that results can sometimes be seen as easry as the 6 week scan- which is super dooper fast.

As far as my blog, this space of mine has been such good therapy for me, and such a great outlet for to share things that I love and things that I'm working on, trying out, striving for, and that inspire me to be better. As funny as it may sound for any none-bloggers, I really crave getting my hands on the keyboard and hearing the clack of the keys, but just as I was feeling like our world was flowing smoothly again, the rug really got pulled out from under us again, and this time I feel like it's going up in smoke. It has been a year now so I'm no stranger to all of this, but I'm still sorting out my emotions and feel very confused and broken at times. The rest of the time I'm so so humbled by the kindness and generosity of everyone around me who is pulling together to hold our family up and help us along, and that includes of course the amazing support from you guys:)

There's a fine line between explaining enough about my/our situation so I can move forward, while keeping my sweetheart on the pedestal where he belongs. So my hope is that in putting this information and photos, etc, out there that I can continue to find balance in sharing the right amount, satisfying all angles as best as I can, and

- take more time to meditate and find daily peace
- have more patience with my girls
- do something anonymous to make someone else happy
- try to film more everyday moments at home

- I found in Houston that there wasn't anything quite so relaxing as driving down the road with the windows down, indie music on quietly, and the warm breeze in my face.
- I never thought that I would look forward to siliva on my shoulder and sticky fingerprints on my pants, but after getting home to my babies, those simple things made me so happy.
- I was sure that I made my favorite cinnamon roll, but I was wrong. One of our good friends makes the most amazing one I've ever had, and I'm going to see what I can do about getting it for you guys:)

The man on top of the mountain didn't fall there. 
                               - Vince Lombardi

Did you have a good week? Has your new week been better so far? Thanks so much for visiting, 

Wednesday, April 13

Life Lately via IG || Martin's ER visit, Houston hospital, etc

Hello my friends. I know that many of you reading this already follow along in other places like Instagram, Facebook, Periscope, etc, and if so than this post probably won't bring any fresh news for you. If you don't follow else-ware, a lot has happened since my last post and I'll share those bullet points right here. I should say first though that Instagram is the place to go for the most recent updates, as it's the fastest and easiest way for me to reach the most of my internet family as well as most of my regular family and friends all at once. That being said, I'll go into much more detail as soon as I can on the blog, but here is what I've been sharing lately:

Sunday. April 3rd
Currently I'm waiting in our emergency room while Martin is getting a CT scan:/ For those of you interested, after his last visit to the hospital where he's been getting treated (stage 4 melanoma), he had some miraculous results where most of the tumors/cancer lesions were gone, but his liver in particular was very riddled and in bad shape. He's been bed-ridden since he got back with pain from the treatment (which is usual for the first while), but the last couple days have gotten so bad that I decided to take him to the hospital. He's showing signs of liver failure, but the worst pain could also be appendicitis or something of the sort. I'll do my best to keep updating when we know more.  Love you all, and your support and encouragement means the world to us ♡♡♡ • I'm going to try to periscope more updates and maybe a Q&A etc, as we make decisions and such as well (it's a live broadcasting app), so feel to find me over there as Emily Meyers or @TheFreckledFox ♡♡♡ || #cancer #melanoma #livercancer #keeppositive #mysweetheart
A photo posted by Emily Meyers (@thefreckledfox) on

Monday, April 4th

Wednesday, April 6th

Thursday. April 7th

Saturday, April 9th

Sunday, April 10th

Monday, April 11th

I hope you don't mind my sharing these posts this way, but Martin is in the OR currently having a biopsy done on the tumors in his liver, and actually it's the first chance I've had to update here despite my good intentions and hopes of keeping better records.

The most amazing part of seeing these posts all in a row, is knowing that each of those hundreds of comments are so full of love and support and encouragement, which has been such an incredible blessing through all of this. Someone commented with curiosity last week about why I would share something so personal with strangers, but I don't see it that way at all.

I've been pretty open here about Martin and my families journey with his cancer from the beginning(nearly a year ago now), and as I said above, not only do most of my real life family and friends follow along here, but I really see my supporters/followers as my internet family. Many of you have expressed benefits from sharing in that part of our life, and at the same time I know that that same encouragement and all those prayers have played a such a massive part in helping us keep strong emotionally and mentally, etc. You've been understanding and respectful of our space and the breaks I take often, but you're right back here with me every time I find my way to a keyboard and hit publish.

Thank you so much.

Be back soon,

Thursday, March 31

happy birthday miss ellie-bean

Eleanor's birthday was last week, and we had a wonderful little party together. She said it was the best day ever:) Even though we had some great decorations and delicious treats and cake, it was nice to check out of everything and to not worry about taking pictures and such. She wouldn't let me forget about her annual birthday shoot though, so here's to our biggest girl who came on the first day of Spring.

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You're six years old Ellie! Six. years.

I know I say this every year on your birthday, but your special day is also the anniversary of my motherhood, and for that I have you to thank my sweet girl!

About a week before your birthday I decided to go through about a million pictures to pull out favorites for a post, and I didn't even make it to the day of your birth before I was a big blubbery mess. Just seeing that big belly on that little nervous and naive version of me brought back so many overwhelming memories and feelings. I get to teach you, every day since your birth, but you were teaching me long before that day:)

I love your constant questions and watching you connect the dots, I love your squeals of excitement when you're surprised, I love watching you wrinkle your nose while you're working on your homework, and seeing you tilt your face to the sky and laugh into the sunshine.

Somehow you're both fierce and gentle, chatty and quiet, adventurous and contented, confident and shy, wise and innocent. And today you have a new depth and strength that makes us proud, and excited for you. I hate the feeling of letting go a bit more when your birthday comes around, but I'll always treasure every day as your mother.