Thursday, May 19

#hopeformartin || an update & some answers

Photos from last November with Justin Hackworth
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I've been trying to think of what to say today for a little while now, but for those of you that have been wanting a current update about Martin's progress, this post is for you. It's also for those of you that have been asking for a long long time about a place where you could possibly help out our family financially.

Last week a sweet friend of mine started a YouCaring fundraiser for our family, and I've already been overwhelmed with the tender messages and memories that have been passed around with it, not to mention the kindness and love from so many people who have already contributed and/or shared the fund. Every dollar makes such a difference. That being said, please don't feel any pressure to help this way or even share for that matter. I already feel so so blessed at the many thousands of prayers and healing vibes, messages, and services that have been offered up on our behalf. Each one of those makes a difference too:)

As far as how he's doing, you can watch a very extensive update that I shared about 10 days ago on Periscope HERE, but since that time some more complications have arisen that have his doctors very concerned. They instructed me to take him to the ER yesterday in hopes of relieving some of the pressure in his abdomen from the growing tumors, but were told that there was nothing they could do for him.

My sweetheart is so so sick, and every day his fight gets harder and harder. Nothing could have prepared me for this, and it crushes all of us to see his body change and weaken, and his mind so confused. But even through the pain in his eyes, I can still see this strong and brave man that I love more than anything.

We have tickets to return to the hospital in Houston, TX next week for more scans and tests, as well as another round of his immunotherapy treatment if all goes as planned. In the meantime, we are doing everything we can to keep him nourished and resting, and praying for him to keep strong and hopeful.

Thank you again and again for so much continued support and encouragement. We're incredibly blessed to have such a huge and loving group of friends.


Monday, May 16

my little foxes and I

If you saw our little Mother's Day photoshoot from last week, then this video is a fun pairing to those:) I've never had anyone videotape me before, let alone having tickle fights with my kids, and I'm absolutely in love with how this video from Moonstruck Pictures turned out:)

When people ask me how I'm doing or how I'm staying so positive, it always comes back to my children.
From the beginning there was Evie's little bouncing presence in my belly when we heard the word 'cancer' for the first time, feeling her wiggles as I sat alone in Mexico waiting for test results, her birth- right after we got home that pulled us out of the nightmare and into happiness once again. And that's just the youngest.

Every single day there are so many things to do as a mom that distract me from my thoughts and keep me moving constantly, so much so that I don't really have time to sink very low even if I wanted to. Every single day there are a thousand tight hugs and slobbery kisses, there's hair braiding and book reading, cartoon snuggles, cheerio sweeping, bed making, and so many many tickle fights(obviously). We also have our fair share of tantrums and hair pulling, crayon stealing, drink throwing and time-outs, FYI.haha All of that mothering, on top of taking care of Martin's every need keeps me far too busy to lose it.
So I keep it together, with tickle fights:) 

Sunday, May 8

Happy Mother's Day || Lifestyle pics

The meaning of the word 'motherhood' has changed and morphed in so many different ways over the years as I've had babies and reached milestones, learned beautiful and intense lessons that I could never have imagined. Being a mother isn't for everyone I know, but it is absolutely what I was meant to do. I need each one of my sweet children just as much-if not more than they need me, and not a day goes by that I don't feel blessed and privileged to be their mother. 
Here are a few favorite pictures from a fun afternoon, captured by my darling friend Morgan:

I have to confess at just writing a few paragraphs about how it was a hard Mother's Day overall, but then I pasted them into a draft for another day. I don't have many reservations about sharing those kinds of thoughts here much anymore, but today is about my children and my mother, my sister-in-law, and all the sweet women with mother hearts in my life and all over the world.

Today is about changing diapers and kissing chubby toes.
Today is about tickle attacks, time-outs, brushing hair, and endless bedtime stories.

"When my children remember their childhood, I want only for them to remember that their mother gave it her all. She worried too much, she failed at times, and she did not always get it right.. but she tried her hardest to teach them about kindness, love, compassion, and honesty. Even if she had to learn from her own, mistakes she loved them enough to keep going, even when things seemed hopeless, even with life knocked her down. I want them to remember me as the woman who always got back up." - unknown

Side-note: When Morgan and I talked about pictures, I wasn't sure if it was a good time with Martin feeling so sick and resting most of every day, but then we said how even getting a few pictures with him would be special, and that no matter what happens in the future, we'd always be glad we had them. I did indeed straighten my house a little beforehand, but I love that somehow there are still papers on the counter and garbage bags spilling out of the drawer, etc. I sure love our life. Can't thank you enough my sweet Morgan

Happy Mother's Day:)

Sunday, May 1



Things to look forward to in May:
- Mother's day with my family
- John's 4th birthday
- Nana Kathi's birthday
- Putting our old house on the Market
- Martin's 2nd and 3rd immunotherapy treatments
- Another trip to Houston for scans and such
- More of this sunshine and blossoms that we've been enjoying
- Memorial Day
- Hammock snuggles in the shade

Things to work on: 
- Laughing more
- Doing something with my hair other than a top-knot
- Our family bucket-list
- Giving back
- Regular showers
- My patience
- My friendships
- Eating when my family eats

Things to let go of:
- Guilt
- Anger
- Fear
- Negativity
- Nervousness
- Judgements
- Waiting

Things to think about for this month:
- A book you're excited to read
- A skill you want to learn
- A recipe you'd like to try
- A good deed you'd like to do
- A purchase you'd like to make
- A goal you'd like to achieve
- A workout you'd like to test
- A lesson you learned in the last month

What are you looking forward to lately?
Happy May my friends,