Our Anniversary/ Marriage Q&A

Happy Wednesday everyone, and Happy Anniversary to Martin and I! I told you to ask your marriage/relationship questions to me so that they could be answered here on the blog this month, and I decided that today is the day, and also that Martin and I are both going to be answering them in turn, fun right? So firstly thank you all for your great questions, and second I've just thrown together ten of the best (along with a few rare and crappy phone pictures of the two of us together), and I'm looking forward to reading his answers so lets get to it:

As a blogger I've made it a point to always be as optimistic and positive as possible, and so I'm glad today to be more open and let you understand more about our marriage and life together on a bit more of a personal level. I hope that by hearing from us that it can in even some small way make you think about your own relationship, and what you need to work on, and to realize that no relationship is perfect(certainly), but that all the work is so worth the reward. 

Question: How did you two first meet and start dating?
Martin: There was nothing subtle about my attraction to Emily when I first saw her. We met in a choir that we were both in- but both of us were only in it for a short time, something like a month. It took me a very long time of stalking her at work, and wherever else I could find her before any proper dates happened. Emily was very patient. 
Emily: My sister and I were asked to sing in a college choir, even though we weren't quite old enough be attend. Martin came late to a rehearsal one day after being begged to take on a solo:) I instantly turned on my best charm and flirted hopelessly(collage guys?!). My sister announced my age suddenly the night of the dress rehearsal, and I think being a minor scared him off a bit being the gentleman that he is. I tried to find out more about him stalked him for the next year, and it took many 'chance' meetings to finally get a date invitation out of him, after that they never really stopped.

Question: What is your favorite thing about each other?
Martin: Wow, that’s a difficult one! Favorite? Well Emily has always had everything going for her but I’d have to say she has the right perspective. She’s not mean; she’s got a genuinely good heart, which sounds sappy but its true. She’s gorgeous to be around and I’m not just talking about her looks. If her high heel collection burned up in a house fire she would be beyond consoling for like a day – but stuff to her really is secondary, she’s more about the adventure.
Emily: Its probably too cheesy and obvious to say his looks? He's just too dang gorgeous.haha If so however then my favorite quality would have to be his... dang how can I pick? He's the most patient man I've ever known, and that's so needed from my husband! He's also really so thoughtful and tender. He's just a good man, and having dated a lot of jerks, I knew that those were hard to come by. 

Question: When did you first know you were in love?
Martin: I was pretty sure I was falling for her from the beginning. I went travelling and had to be away from Emily for well over a month. It only took a few months from then and we were engaged. 
Emily: Before we had started dating Martin planned a month long trip with his best friend to tour Europe, and because there was no reasons to cancel the trip, and because I couldn't reasonably invite myself along, I was left alone many months into our courtship and only heard from him twice (messages left while I was sleeping at 3am). I surprised myself how hard it was having him away, and how it effected me so entirely. I knew that the deep feelings I had were love, and that if he came back not feeling the same way that I'd probably have to leave for Russia (another story for another time.haha)

Question: How do you overcome fights and or disagreements? 
Martin: Emily always lets me win, and then I feel like an idiot because the fight was really coming from my corner all along. Emily is not a fighter she’s a peacemaker- but she’s tough and she’ll hold her own. She takes stealth wins over debating points- she’s always way cooler than me in the aftermath of any disagreement.
Emily: I think disagreements is a better word, because I try to never let us fight, and really there's nothing that is so important to both of us that we don't just let the other win.haha If we're disagreeing about something, and I realize that it means more to him then it really does me, its not that hard to let it go, because I know he'll stand down in the opposite situation(weather he wants to or not:)). Hope that makes sense. If its a frustration or rant, I just remember that letting it out will make him feel better, and think of all the times he's let me go on a rampage to blow off steam.haha

Question: How do you keep yourselves in love? 
Martin: Our lives are so intertwined with all the same stuff. Life is packed full of stuff everyday: busy stuff, fun stuff, not so fun stuff. The whole point of it all is that Emily and I have joined our lives together and built them around each other and that’s really all that matters. If there is anything messing with that it can go. Oh, and we have tons of fun together.
Emily: I actually have a post coming later on that because there are so many things you can do as a couple, but above all we just try and have as much alone time as possible without the kids. We set a goal when we got married to go on a date each week at least, and no matter what we do(even if we spend it all talking about the kids), it always helps us remember the bigger picture, and reminds us of the best parts of each other. 

Question: Which one of you wears the 'pants', or is there a compromise?

Martin: Hmm. Honestly I feel like we both have a leg of the trousers. We’ve always been really like-minded and that helps tremendously. We talk about everything and when our opinions differ we talk more and usually figure out the best thing to do. Compromise all the way.
Emily: Well... Martin and I really talk and talk and talk some more about everything we do, it always feels like its a 'we' making the decision instead of 'you' of 'I'. From the beginning I've been amazed at how alike we are in our tastes and ideals, etc, so that makes decisions amazingly easier. I would say that in a pinch that he always lets me have my way, and so in that sense I guess it'd be me, but at the same time...

Question: What's the best thing about being married?
Martin: Being married I feel like I’ve landed. When you’re growing up you have ideas about what you’ll be later on- but they’re all just ideas. I got married in my late twenties. I got to do some awesome stuff before I got married but it was all just sort of footnotes until I tied the knot with Emily. The best thing about being married is that now I’m on solid ground- well as solid as life can get anyway.
Emily: Besides having someone to share in everything I do, its probably having a loving partner who I've created a family with. These little babies makes our lives so full and happy, and watching him be a father has made me fall so hard for this guy. I love that every accomplishment of his I feel is somehow my own, and that we often live through each other(in a good way:)). Having someone rooting for me no matter what I do and who loves me unconditionally. Its an amazing feeling.

Question: What's the hardest thing about being married?
Martin: Emily is prettier than me -- lol. Everything good, really good and worth going after takes sacrifice. Marriage is hard in a - I really can’t be selfish kind of way. Hardest thing? I guess that I have to forget about myself sometimes.
Emily: Can I say being a parent? I guess that doesn't really fall under marriage hardships:) hmm, Having to think more about how my actions will effect a whole group? Since Martin and I started our family quicker then most, and they've been so close together, it is hard to feel the pressures of running everything and keeping everything in order, even with help. I can't just change my mind at a moments notice without many things falling apart, and even though I share a lot of decisions, a lot of the repercussions to do with the family day to day fall on my shoulders. Its just a lot of pressure.

Question: What are some of your dreams as a couple?

Martin: Grow very old together and travel extensively. Raise our babies and do all the fun grown up stuff that goes along with that. She supports me in my writing, and I in her work. I think we both get just as excited when the other achieves something- as much, if not more, than when we do it ourselves. I’m thrilled with all that Emily has done with her blogging and excited to see it go further. It was a big goal checked off and its always showing us more ways of pushing our dreams further.
Emily: I think more then anything we'd love to travel together as much as possible. We make plans and schemes where and when we'll travel, and we get so excited at times. I've always been a lover of travel and exploring, adventures in far away places and foreign lands. Martin's been a huge traveler ever since he was little(the lucky duck), and its deeply rooted in him. We also would like to grow our family a bit more sometime, and I think we'd love to end up on a big acreage in the country. 

Question: What's the most important thing you've learned from marriage?
Martin: I was always laughing at my friends who couldn't survive outside of a relationship but in all reality— leaning on someone else’s strengths doesn't make you weaker.
Emily: I really think that marriage is only the beginning, and not some goal to suddenly ensure your happiness forever. It takes daily work, and a massive amount of selflessness. You have to live each day expecting the best and working towards it, but not being so tenderhearted and naive that you cry over every little bump in the road, because they will come. I think as human beings we have an innate selfish nature, always looking out for ourselves and wanting to know how others can help us, so the struggle everyday is trying to let that go, and put others needs before our own, and if you're both doing that then both your needs will be met, by the other person! again, making sense? :) I know there are many beautiful and tough times ahead, but I was lucky enough to marry a man who is way above me in so many ways so I can learn from him and he can help become better, and I hope that in some small way I can be there when he needs me and help him be his best self. The end:)   

Thanks for reading! I know its wayyy more text then you're used to getting from me, but I hope you enjoy learning a bit more about us, and hearing about me from the husbands perspective too. Some of them were easy peasy, and some of them were a lot harder then expected! I'd love to hear your thoughts, and I hope you have a great day!
xo, Emily

P.S  I'd love it if you took these questions and you and your significant other answered them and then read them to each other maybe? Its really been a fun experience for us, and I know you'd love it too:)