One week positivity challenge

     Happy Monday loves! I have a really good feeling about this week. The kids and I are fresh home from a little cousin trip where we had so much fun all together, and with all the work that Richard did while we were gone, we're feeling happy about the progress we're hoping to make.

     When I wrote my last post about how I was starting on my little self-love journey, I almost felt like writing 'part 1 of 35' or something because I feel like the more that I work at this, I'm seeing how many facets there are in loving ourselves fully. I know I'm not alone when I say that really loving who I am and respecting myself is one of my biggest struggles. Self-love isn't just about working out more or chanting positive affirmations, it's about honoring who we are in this moment and stopping the war on ourselves. It's about empowerment and courage, happiness and perspective. It's about being self-aware, setting boundaries, choosing our influences, keeping our minds active, and keeping our relationships healthy. It's also about forgiveness and peace, and service, and overall health. Mind, body, and spirit.

     I believe in really honoring our emotions, and I have worked nearly every day for years at encouraging myself to feel everything instead of trying to push away the darkness when I see it coming, and you know what? I'm still not great at it. There's a very touchy balance between putting a positive spin on hard things and not letting yourself feel at all. I've been there. There's also a fine line between having tough things happen to you and letting those things control you. Sometimes we can't help but get swept up, and that's okay. But most of the time, as Charles Swindoll said: "...we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for the day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way, we cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it, and so it is with you."

     One important thing that I've come to realize is that there is no finish line for self-love. There is never going to be a moment when we arrive at the precipice of happiness and can say "I did it!", because the world around us is constantly changing and evolving. We can work our hardest on controlling ourselves and our own feelings, but I believe that the default for everyone is to feel low.
     I believe that our minds are trained to gradually look past all the things that we do have and focus on the things we don't. I believe that our natural instinct is to always want to reach higher and do better, and therefore we have this habit of always feeling like we're not enough, that we're not doing enough, and that we don't have enough. And that's just what we put on ourselves, not taking into account the interactions we might have every day with people who are making us feel less-than. The people that want to see us fail and fall. The people that choose to step on others in order to feel like they have worth.

    I believe that happiness is a whole lot of work, every day. Even the happiest people you know don't wake up each day glowing in angelic peace and joy. Being positive is something we have to practice over and over and over again even after we've made it into more of a habit.

wearing: pink floyd shirt - zulily  |  necklace - h&m  |  jeans - (old) nordstrom |  converse - converse

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     So, today I wanted to share a little list of 24 things that I feel can add to our jar of happiness and positivity, and that can help change our attitudes. Just remember that what works for one person might not work for another, and so if you try something new and realize that it's having little to no effect on your mood, try something else:) My challenge for you that I'll be joining in as well is to pick at least one thing (if not three) on the list to do every day for the rest of the month (we have a solid week left starting tomorrow) and check it off the list. Simple and effective, I promise:) 

One week positivity challenge

1. Watch or listen to something motivational (example: look up Tony Robbins on YouTube, a TedTalk, or an empowerment podcast.
2. Call a friend or a loved one just to talk about them. Every time the conversation steers towards you, try spinning it back towards them and not talking about your mood or issues at all. You might be surprised at how distracting it is for you, and how refreshed you feel about your own life.
3. Reread an old favorite book.
4. Get out into nature and go for a hike, swim, bike ride, etc. There's something so invigorating about the sunshine and the breeze, and getting your heart racing and your blood pumping makes us feel more alive.
5. Try doing something childish like playing with sidewalk chalk or climbing a tree.
6. Go for a car ride and sing along to your favorite song as loudly and off key as you want.
7. Grab an empty notebook or pad of paper, or even a stack of napkins and just write. write to your younger self or the most trusted person you know. Tell them about your day, your week, your year, about your achievements, your struggles, your hopes, your fears. It always feels like a burden is lifted off of your mind and heart when you can spill your thoughts onto paper or a computer screen and not worry about them anymore. They'll be there whenever you need them, so just let them fade away. This is particularly healthy at bedtime. I sleep so much better when I can clear my head.
8. Concentrate one whole day on eating whole, real, non-processed foods. 
9. Make a list of all the things you've accomplished in the last week, instead of a to-do list for the week ahead.
10. Smile at everyone you come in contact with.
11. Drink a healthy green smoothie.
12. Look up a simple yoga routine online and slowly go through as many of the moves as you can, remembering to breathe deeply and maybe even listening to peaceful music.
13. Look up a list of positive affirmations for self-love online and repeat the list out loud to yourself. Have you ever heard of the law of attraction? It's really true. Love life and life will love you back. Repeating positive things about yourself will not only make you believe them, but you'll be amazed at what will start to happen in your life.
14. Light some candles, turn on some music and clean a room in your house from top to bottom.
15. Leave the dishes in the sink if you have to, leave the laundry in a heap or whatever, and go to bed early. Like 8:30pm early:)
16. Go to a gym and work out all your frustrations. Whether it's beating them into a punching bag or sweating them out on the treadmill on in the weight-room doesn't matter, what matters is that when you leave those doors that you leave the frustrations of the day/week behind you.
17. Pick out a new recipe and make a meal from scratch.
18. Take a long hot bath. Just sitting in the hot water with your eyes closed will do you good, but if you can swing it, throwing in a bath bomb and lighting some candles will add a lot. Also music:)
19. Write a letter to someone that you might have animosity towards, and then get rid of it. Burn it, shred it, whatever. Just get all the issues onto the paper and then let it go. 
20. Make a list of 5 struggles in your life, and then next to each of those struggles list a lesson that you've learned from each of them. Working to see each trial as a lesson helps us see a benefit to even the hardest situations of our lives. You've survived everything that life has thrown at you so far, what are the scars that those experiences left behind and what did you learn?
21. Treat yourself to something. A haircut, a pedicure, that pair of shoes you've been eying. Don't get too crazy, but a little bit of pampering can go a long way to turning your perspective around and helping you feel better about yourself and the world around you.
22. Confide in someone. Choosing to trust someone with your true feelings about something you're dealing or struggling with can not only help get it off of your chest, but that trust will strengthen your friendship immensely. 
23. Spend a little time researching a new skill or hobby that you've been wanting to try.
24. Do something nice for someone else. If you can manage it anonymously, all the better.

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So what do you think? You want to try it with me? Let's start tomorrow and finish out the month of July and welcome in August with a bit more positivity in our lives, a bit more gratitude, a bit more perspective on what really matters. It's only a week:)

Ruben Chavez said "It takes as much effort to hold a negative belief as it does a positive one. Make sure that you choose beliefs that empower you rather than limit you."

Have a great week ahead fox family,

A BIT ON TIME & THE FEAR OF 'LASTS'

- wearing - 

mom: sunglasses - diff eyewear // watch - c/o daniel wellington //  t-shirt - the bee and the fox // chambray button-up - target // jeans - asos online // bag - madeline in brandy c/o lily jade // sandles - birkenstocks

evie: hairbow - c/o munchkin lane // t-shirt - the bee and the fox // jeggings - target // moccs - freshly picked 

     Happy Thursday friends! Originally I started this post typing about things you could do to help with Summer stresses, but then I couldn't stop thinking about how fast time is going lately, and how I'm trying to not worry about my kids growing up, especially little Evie. In keeping with that theme, I want to share another discount code with you guys from my friends at Daniel Wellington. I've exclusively used and loved DW watches for over 4 years now, and every time I talk about them many of you share your love for them as well, so I couldn't wait to show you guys the newly released petite style! I'm wearing the Classic Petite Bondi 32mm with the white leather strap, and it comes in rose gold and silver, but the rose gold is my favorite:) Anyways use the code: FRECKLEDFOX15 for 15% off on their website www.danielwellington.com, and then come back and tell me what you got:)

     So as I delve a bit more into what time with my children has come to mean, I want to talk mainly about the hardest thing that I struggle with as a mother (and I'm sure the same goes for many of you), and that's the fear of lasts. I get asked all of the time lately how it feels having five babies in a row year after year and then suddenly stopping, and if it's sad or a relief to have those tiny baby years behind me. While there are obviously both fun and hard things about having my youngest getting so big (she turns 2 this month!), I have been working hard at letting her grow up without fear of missing out on those last moments with her.

     This is all my opinion and I am generalizing a lot, but in general I feel like there is so much pressure on us as mothers (thanks, Pinterest) to have the perfect themed birthday parties and dessert spreads, to check everything off the season bucket list, and to make sure that we capture it all on video... or did it even happen? haha. I feel as a lifestyle/mommy-blogger too that we're often held to a higher standard of fitting in and setting an example that everything should/can be perfect and flawless in motherhood- which it can't, by the way.haha. I feel like in the beginning as a new mother I was so stressed about holiday checklists and having everything just right with the nursery decor, etc, and I would get so stressed out sometimes about little things that would go wrong or moments that I would miss out on, outfits that they'd never get to wear, and all of the precious moments that I wouldn't get on camera. 

   

     It's taken an extremely life-changing experience (losing my first husband to cancer, if you're new) and missing out on much of my kids lives the last couple of years since he was diagnosed to force me to stop caring so much about what moments I might be missing, and really be present in the moments I had. It took being away from my children for a month and having empty arms on Mother's Day two years ago to realize how much I really didn't care about neutral birthday decor and having it all figured out. It took many holiday schedules and daily routines being decided for me for a long time due to our family's struggle, to really help me to treasure the simple and calm days all the more. I just wanted to simply be present with them and to hold them and (excuse my french) to hell with everything else. 

     I don't mean to say that if you manage to have it all together that it means you're missing out, I'm just trying to express for the Emily of a few years ago that just being all there for those moments is enough. That worrying so much about missing the milestones and the 'lasts' can greatly get in the way of actually living them and enjoying them. That the days will run together and the late nights and feedings will seem to go on forever, and that after about the 10,000th diaper you'll feel like life will go on forever in a never-ending cycle of burping, crying, changing, and dirty laundry. But, don't forget that one day you'll put down the burp cloth and never pick it up again. That one day you'll nurse your sweet baby to sleep and the next day you won't anymore. 

    

    There will come a time when you'll hold your little one on your hip and then put them down, and never carry them that way again. One day you'll wash your little girl's hair in the bath and the next day she'll want to shower on her own. They will hold your hand to cross the road and then suddenly never reach for it again. One day you'll read your last bedtime story, you'll wipe your last dirty face, you'll braid your last braid, and there will come a day that they run towards you with outstretched arms for the very last time. 

     So again, just speaking to my younger self, stop worrying so much missing out on the last moments and simply live in them, because when they're gone they're gone, and the matching details won't matter, but the love will last. 

Thank you so much to our partner Daniel Wellington for sponsoring this post! All words and opinions are my own.

 Thank you to our readers for supporting the brands that make The Freckled Fox possible!

xoxoxo

i hope you fail

     Happy Wednesday friends and I guess happy April as well! I hope the week has been good to you so far. I'll be honest it's been a rough few days, but as you'll see the net couple of weeks, this month is full of a lot of hard memories and anniversaries, so I've been expecting things to be a little harder and have been giving myself a bit more grace when things get tough. 

     The funny thing about this post on failure is that I've been wanting to share it on here for a couple weeks or more at this point, and I have failed, day after day to do it. Overall I've been sitting on the thoughts themselves for a while now and try to refer to them whenever I need extra confidence, but last night I read through a few really touching emails from you some of you(I read all the personal emails from readers by the way:)), and so in realizing that this post was another answer of sorts I made myself get it done, so here I am. Bear with me if I'm a little scattered in putting my thoughts together:)

beautiful photo via refinary29

     What I want to say definitely isn't anything groundbreaking or new, and it's not something that I've learned so well that I'm passing on my wisdom, far from it. This is something that as I said earlier that I struggle with constantly and try to remind myself of every day, and I simply want to remind you of it too. 

     Quite often as a mother, and sometimes non-stop for days or even weeks during the past year especially, I have felt like a failure. So let down in myself as a mom, as a wife, as a friend, as a housekeeper, as a blogger/earner for my family, as a member of my community, as a contributor to society, etc. No matter how many times I tell myself I'm allowed time to breathe, at the end of the day we still need to eat and pay bills, and I can't help feeling frustrated at how much I really need to do and how little I'm actually able to achieve. Even just yesterday I was reminded on my new youtube video(where I set a big goal for posting) how many goals like that that I've made in the past, and how many times I've failed to follow through, for one reason or another.

     I was having a particularly hard day last week when Richard noticed my mood and asked what was the matter. I told him that I just felt like I was falling short in all those aspects that I mentioned above, that I feel like a failure, that I couldn't get anything right, and that I just couldn't get ahead no matter how hard I pushed myself. That I felt exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. He assured me that I was doing just fine and made me feel better immediately, but I know that those moments happen to most all of us (edit: originally I said 'especially mothers' here, but I want to stress that while most of my struggles are around being a mother, we all share these moments mother's or not:)) over and over and over again.

I know there are times when you shut yourself in the bathroom for a moment of peace and just cry into your hands thinking about how you can't keep up.

I know that you've felt alone in a crowded room because you think that nobody understands what you're going through.

I know that you look at Instagram and Facebook and feel like a failure because you think your family isn't as happy or your marriage isn't as perfect as everyone else's, or your house as perfectly decorated and tidy as all the rest.

I know that you've gone to sleep with a wet pillow and smeared mascara more times than you can count.

I know that there are days where you feel every ounce of strength is drained from your body and you don't know if you can move.

I know that you look around at your life and wonder if you're making a difference at all, after you've worked so so hard.

     I know, because I've talked to thousands of you in the last few years and we have all felt one or all of those ways at one point or another. I need these nextwords probably more than any of you, but stop it right now. I know it's easier said than done, but this is the main point of this post and it's that failure means that you're trying. And I know you're trying your best, and that's enough. 

     I heard a story a while ago about a family, where every night at dinner the dad would ask the children what they had failed in doing that day. That seemed really sad and depressing to me at first, but then the story went on that the children would proudly state how in what areas or ways they'd failed and would be congratulated. Why? Because failing at something meant that they had tried, and trying is the only way to succeed at anything. Because the one who falls and gets back up is so much stronger than the one who never took a shaky step forward. Because in order to achieve greatly at something, you have to be brave enough to fail miserably. 

     I have this newspaper clipping on my dresser and it says: 

'You've failed many times although you may not remember.

You fell down the first time you tried to walk. 

You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim, didn't you? 

Did you hit the ball the first time you swung a bat? 

Heavy hitters, the ones who hit the most home-runs, also strike out a lot. 

R.H. Macy failed seven times before his store in New York caught on. 

English novelist John Casey got 753 rejection letters before he published 564 books. 

Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times, but he also hit 714 home runs. 

Don't worry about failure. 

Worry about the chances you missed when you didn't even try.'

     So at this point I feel like I've said a lot of things that sound good in theory, but there are still things that have to be done that are beyond us. Circumstances that mean to matter how many times we tell ourselves we're trying our best, that sometimes our best simple won't be good enough for whatever reason. I guess all that I'm trying to say is, go easy on yourself. You'll have days that you rock it and days that go horribly awfully wrong, and someone might come along and turn those days around or you might just escape to hide under the covers and try to forget everything, and that's okay too.

     I want to push forward more than anything and do more of what makes me happy and that will produce more laughter from my family, but as I said, there are still many more days when I just want to stay in th basement with my babies eating snacks and watching cartoons without an ounce of physical, mental, or emotional energy. 

     There are days that I set out feeling so energized and motivated, and then a song will come on that suddenly takes me back a year and I'm useless for the rest of the day. Trying to move through chores and to-do lists suddenly will feel like trekking through tar. My chest will feel the all-too-familiar crushing grasp of heartache and the pull of fear and depression, and I can't get images out of my head of happy days gone by, or of memories that just hurt so much. Sometimes I can't stop the fear of being abandoned or of letting down my loved ones, of pushing too hard and taking on too much, of not doing enough or being enough. Some days I'm tired of failing over and over, and it's okay to stop and rest and to just be. Failure isn't permanent, giving up is perminant.

     Don't give up.

     Please stop being so hard on yourself. Take a moment to sit back and marvel at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that wisened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything in your life that tries to pull you down you still move forward, you still grow, and you still keep trying every day, and that is enough.

     Life can be so so hard. All I'm trying to say is stop demonizing the word fail, and think of it as a step closer towards your goal, not a setback. So, as funny as it may sound, I hope you fail today, and every day:)

Chin up, beautiful,

xoxo