Friday, June 9

A BIT ON TIME & THE FEAR OF 'LASTS'


- wearing - 


     Happy Thursday friends! Originally I started this post typing about things you could do to help with Summer stresses, but then I couldn't stop thinking about how fast time is going lately, and how I'm trying to not worry about my kids growing up, especially little Evie. In keeping with that theme, I want to share another discount code with you guys from my friends at Daniel Wellington. I've exclusively used and loved DW watches for over 4 years now, and every time I talk about them many of you share your love for them as well, so I couldn't wait to show you guys the newly released petite style! I'm wearing the Classic Petite Bondi 32mm with the white leather strap, and it comes in rose gold and silver, but the rose gold is my favorite:) Anyways use the code: FRECKLEDFOX15 for 15% off on their website www.danielwellington.com, and then come back and tell me what you got:)

     So as I delve a bit more into what time with my children has come to mean, I want to talk mainly about the hardest thing that I struggle with as a mother (and I'm sure the same goes for many of you), and that's the fear of lasts. I get asked all of the time lately how it feels having five babies in a row year after year and then suddenly stopping, and if it's sad or a relief to have those tiny baby years behind me. While there are obviously both fun and hard things about having my youngest getting so big (she turns 2 this month!), I have been working hard at letting her grow up without fear of missing out on those last moments with her.

     This is all my opinion and I am generalizing a lot, but in general I feel like there is so much pressure on us as mothers (thanks, Pinterest) to have the perfect themed birthday parties and dessert spreads, to check everything off the season bucket list, and to make sure that we capture it all on video... or did it even happen? haha. I feel as a lifestyle/mommy-blogger too that we're often held to a higher standard of fitting in and setting an example that everything should/can be perfect and flawless in motherhood- which it can't, by the way.haha. I feel like in the beginning as a new mother I was so stressed about holiday checklists and having everything just right with the nursery decor, etc, and I would get so stressed out sometimes about little things that would go wrong or moments that I would miss out on, outfits that they'd never get to wear, and all of the precious moments that I wouldn't get on camera. 
   
     It's taken an extremely life-changing experience (losing my first husband to cancer, if you're new) and missing out on much of my kids lives the last couple of years since he was diagnosed to force me to stop caring so much about what moments I might be missing, and really be present in the moments I had. It took being away from my children for a month and having empty arms on Mother's Day two years ago to realize how much I really didn't care about neutral birthday decor and having it all figured out. It took many holiday schedules and daily routines being decided for me for a long time due to our family's struggle, to really help me to treasure the simple and calm days all the more. I just wanted to simply be present with them and to hold them and (excuse my french) to hell with everything else. 

     I don't mean to say that if you manage to have it all together that it means you're missing out, I'm just trying to express for the Emily of a few years ago that just being all there for those moments is enough. That worrying so much about missing the milestones and the 'lasts' can greatly get in the way of actually living them and enjoying them. That the days will run together and the late nights and feedings will seem to go on forever, and that after about the 10,000th diaper you'll feel like life will go on forever in a never-ending cycle of burping, crying, changing, and dirty laundry. But, don't forget that one day you'll put down the burp cloth and never pick it up again. That one day you'll nurse your sweet baby to sleep and the next day you won't anymore. 
    
    There will come a time when you'll hold your little one on your hip and then put them down, and never carry them that way again. One day you'll wash your little girl's hair in the bath and the next day she'll want to shower on her own. They will hold your hand to cross the road and then suddenly never reach for it again. One day you'll read your last bedtime story, you'll wipe your last dirty face, you'll braid your last braid, and there will come a day that they run towards you with outstretched arms for the very last time. 

     So again, just speaking to my younger self, stop worrying so much missing out on the last moments and simply live in them, because when they're gone they're gone, and the matching details won't matter, but the love will last. 


xoxoxo

12 comments:

  1. So true, my oldest turns 41 today, I am only 59, her Dad died 3 years ago, there are a lot of lasts that you may not realize until they are over. so ENJOY !! all of it! from Iowa

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  2. Emily...first let me say that I love and admire you even though I only know you from your blog...I too fret about lasts and one of my hardest was the last time I rocked one of my babies to sleep...I have no memory of when that was and I'm crushed because it was an important and beloved part of my day...BUT...there is a saving grace! Being a grandma! Not quite the same BUT in some ways better! I value more rocking those babies...reading them stories...and listening to bedtime prayers and oh yes...when I pull up...they run to me with outstretched arms! I know this time too will end...but I hold on a little tighter! Thank you for reminding me of this! Stay strong dear girl!

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  3. This is so beautifully written. And I feel your sentiments on so many levels. We only have two kids, and our youngest, our daughter, was born with a terminal illness, and yet has lived far longer than the doctors ever told us she would, but we just don't know what one day will bring from the next, and things can suddenly go downhill in the blink of an eye. It's taught us to cherish each moment, to find joy in the present, and to try and not worry about what we cannot control. Although saying it is so much easier than actually doing it. We don't know if the future holds more children for us, so we cherish the moments of feeding our two and a half year old her last bottle ever last month, and her nights in her crib are numbered, and both our kids start preschool next school year, so it's the last few weeks of me being a stay at home mom who has kids home all day long. Each of these lasts pull at my heartstrings so so hard.


    Paige
    http://thehappyflammily.com

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  4. As always your words ring so true! Time can creep along and then in a blink of an eye we realize how quickly it moved. Your family has endured many lasts but I see also many firsts. Thank goodness I have memories of my last times. (BTW--I just ordered a watch and every time I wear it I will be thankful for moments).

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  5. It's impossible to determine the last until after it has passed. How many times have I said, "If I'd only known it was the last time he would..."?

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  6. Valuable knowledge to attain and truly take in. My youngest turns two next month, and, like you, I had baby after baby for the past few years. I loved reading this <3

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  7. Beautiful post and oh so true.
    www.aprilrises.com

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  8. Karen Kingsbury wrote children's book called 'Let Me Hold You Longer'. The book has similar reflections as you have in this post, and when I was reading it to my kids I had to stop because of all the tears. Great post, and a good reminder to relish the young years ❤.

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  9. Sitting here crying because this is exactly what I'm going through right now. Still trying to enjoy it, but I really hate that they're growing up. I just want to freeze time with my babies right now. Motherhood is such a precious gift.

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  10. You brought tears to my eyes with this one, Emily! I have twin 7 year olds, a 4 year old, and a 6 month old. You are speaking right to me!!! I am afraid to blink and they won't need me anymore!!!

    Thanks for sharing and bringing light into this world!

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  11. This is a really great post Emily! Thank you for sharing! I don't have my own children, but I do have nephews and my heart just really relates to this in regards to them!

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  12. So true-all of it! As I was reading this post my 4th and last baby was sitting on my lap crying. She is exhausted from a week long trip and usually I would be frustrated, but I've been really thinking about these moments we are in. Soon my 2 year old will be graduating and I will miss this all. Thanks for this post and for sharing!

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