Monday, April 10

What I Wore // leg brace chic

     It's pretty late on Monday night, the end of a good and peaceful day at home, and I'm smiling to myself thinking about how sweet the kids have been. How fluffy Evie's hair was when I woke her up, about Lydia's bright innocent eyes, about Ellie's pride at being so helpful, about the way John said "I'm weddy befoy evwie-body mommy!", and Sophie's little smile as she napped next to me:) The next few days are the last I'll need to wear my brace at all, Richard and I have been talking about more family 'adventures' we'd love to take once he and I are healed up more, and I feel calm about the future tonight.
   WEARING:
Dress - Downeast
Shoes - Ross
Bag - Bohme
Watch - c/o Daniel Wellington 

     I've been wearing this comfy dress any chance I get these days and so I'm glad to share it by way of a little style post as it's been quite a long time:) I'm pretty sure that it's somewhere in fashion blogging rules that you're not supposed to include casts and such in your outfit posts, but I think the fact that this leg brace is so unflattering and awkward made me want to post it even more, because to me it represents sharing the bad with the good, which is basically what my blog/life is right now. There's no getting around the messy, uncomfortable, hard parts of life, and that goes for everyone. Our lives are all of those things as well as being fun and beautiful and sweet, and I'm working constantly at breathing deep and embracing it all.

     My days are very split, most every single day. Part of me has gone numb. Part of my heart is sealed forever, and the rest of it is glowing and living. My mood can change from minute to minute, and there is so telling in the morning where my head will be when the sun sets, but I want to tell the weak and exhausted version of myself (and anyone else that needs it too) that as cliche as it sounds, you are always fixable.

     There are still days when I feel so much love and so much light in my life and in the future of my family, and at the very same moment, there is a dark void in the corner of my mind that's waiting for me to take a second look so it can suck me in. I get requests daily to share more about depression, and I will, but just for right now my dears you have to realize that you can't keep planning for when your mind is free again. You have amazing healing powers you are yet to discover, so stop looking at the old you who was so undamaged before your life took a turn, and embrace who you are now.    
   
     Don't be afraid to re-write your story with today as the first page. If you were strong enough to get up every morning until now, you will have the strength to muster up a little faith and do it again tomorrow. Cry all you want, fall into that dark space that envelopes you and feel all the fear. Walk through the cracks in your vulnerability and learn the blueprints of your new soul. Then hope, and hope, and hope some more. You can never have enough.Your heart will sing again, and your soul will dance in the sun:) Your broken soul is fixable, you will find yourself again, and see how truly strong and fierce you have become.

     So maybe a lot deeper than future style posts will be, but I needed to type these jumbled thoughts out for myself tonight with what is coming tomorrow.

Love to you all 

19 comments:

  1. You are such an inspiration, such a force lives inside of you that there is no darkness which can outshine your light!! Beautiful woman on the inside and on the outside! Keep up being strong, you are an angel!

    http://lartoffashion.com

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  2. I'm not sure if it would be a little tough for you and I know nothing about grief and loss. But there is an animation called 'Song of the Sea' that my boys love, it's an Irish movie about fairies and a littl brother and sister and about feelings and loss I'm not sure how to explain it. My boys love it I think because of the Irish music. You might not like it but I thought I would mention it to watch with your kids or review by yourself first.

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  3. On a totally separate note your post- I hope you fail was exactly what I needed the other day feeling like I can't I'm just not getting it all done working and kids and feeling exhausted, thank you thank you!!

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  4. Even with the brace you look adorable! That dress is so cute on you. Your words here really resonated with me, albeit even though we are the same age you have been through a lot more than me. Sending lots of positivity and happiness to your family!

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  5. Emily; One day at a time and if that's too hard, maybe just one moment at a time. Everyday comes to an end and then we deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.
    You show both incredible strength and vulnerability in your writing and your pictures and a touch of haphazardness in your videos. Who wouldn't given the load The Good Lord has shared with you.
    You are our inspiration and not a soul here would fail to help carry you through if we could. Be safe.

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  6. Love this quote! " Don't be afraid to re-write your story with today as the first page" Thanks for your encouragement and joy and hope in the middle of your deepest pain!

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  7. I watched your video with your sister yesterday. i absolutely loved seeingbyou smile and laugh. Never sauw you in such a light and I felt very happy for you :) I do hope you will feel more cheerful more often, because you deserve it :) All the best from Bulgaria <3

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  8. My life took a turn when I was 20, I went through some pretty traumatic stuff and it changed me. I was angry mostly but also sad and fearful. These are things I never was before and what kept me from seeing the light for so long was my refusal to accept these changes.

    In order to dance in the sun again, to truly heal you have to accept that you aren't and will nevet be your old self again. You also have to stop fighting these changes. The cards you were initially given were scrambled and changed, all you can do is try to find the best and most positive tactic to play with the new ones. Once you start doing that, life opens up again.

    It's hard work, it takes time, you will always miss the old you but eventually you make peace with who you now are and you will even learn to like yourself again.

    Remind yourself that change can be good, regardless of what brings it.

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    Replies
    1. I totally get what you're saying. My life changed at 13 when I lost my dad and I lived with a lot of anger, sadness and fearful. Many years later and many losses in between... there's always hope for a brighter day... one day at a time. Best to you!

      Emily thank you for this post. I needed this inspiration today! I lost a brother in September and a sister on Saturday. It's been a dark 7 mos. One day at a time...

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  9. You're such an inspiration! Keep staying positive :)

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  10. Wow! Even with with a leg brace, you still look so fab my dear! You are beautiful inside and out. Stay lovely and inspirational my dear Emily!


    ♥ Chai Chen ♥ @chenmeicai
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  11. Wow, I love this. Thank you so much for sharing this today.

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  12. I'm not sure I've ever seen someone rock a leg brace so well. Glad to see you are recovering well and coming back even stronger than ever, Emily!

    Also, can I just say I completely relate to that feeling of having a split life, the part of my life that is happy and whole and then the other part of my life that is so broken and weak. If you ask me, that's the price of grief and love.

    Stay strong, dear!

    Dani xoxo
    a vapor in the wind

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  13. i needed this today. it's so easy to look into the unknown -- the future -- and be overwhelmed by how big it is. it's so, so important to remind ourselves that the best we can do is one day at a time. thank you so much for that.

    and the dress is adorable! i'm bummed it's almost sold out, 'cause i would have loved it in pink!

    meredith
    life in draft

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  14. Such a pretty dress and I am glad to hear you are on the mend!


    xx Kelly
    Sparkles and Shoes

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  15. looking gorgeeous and happy. hope all is well xo
    Jamie
    www.jamieeverafter.com

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  16. You look so melancholy in these photos, praying for your strength and comfort. xx

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  17. Okay seriously so in love with your blog. I am now reading every post as I find so much encouragement and hope in each post. The way you talk about grief and pain and joy its as if you're reading a page from my life. from my heart. Thank you again for continually sharing your heart.

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